那些年英国大学上课，外国老师的口音让我崩溃得怀疑人生…

There has been some rumours that my restaurant is not the finest in all of Paris. These People are fools! They know nothing about food!

What is it with the spiders? They come into my room. I squash them then another one comes in. I want to know what goes on inside their little brains, they are crazy ya!

I have added you on the facebook but you need to accept my request so we can talk on there because my phone bill is too high. Ciao!

Hey Artyom it’s Yakov here, we have a buyer for the Soviet Antique Hat Collection. He has deposited the money directly into our account! We are going to be rich! Hoorah!

OK what you need to do is go into settings, go to network, put in the administrators password, then click reset all internet data.

So this guy thinks because he can imitate a lot of accents he is strong? He’s a fool and cannot do Japanese without sounding like a Samurai master from a hollywood movie!

Hello! I just want to remind you that anybody that will cause a nightmare to me, I will deal with you! Even your mother, your father, your brother, your sister, your daughter or your son!

So I was talking to this Russian bird(woman) in the pub the other night right, and she was teaching me her language. I think I’m getting the hang of it now: Privet, menya zovut (Greetings, my name is) Steve. Quality Mate!

As long as you listen to the sound of my voice, you are going to be safe all of the time, everytime. Thank you for helping me help you.

So a gentleman in a hooded jacket approached me the other day and said,’What have you got for me blud?’ So one replied:’What on earth is a blud? One has never heard of such a word in one’s entire life!’

Mate I’m absolutely gutted! Me girlfriend left me and no matter what I do like, no matter how hard I try she won’t take me back.

All I wanted for dinner was curry and chips but now my ovens broke and I’m sad.

It only took me about 18 minutes to find what I was looking for at 2:35am.

Hey up what you lot doing up here? I thought I told you to go teh(to the) shops and get me some grub. I’m bloody starving, and don’t tell me you don’t know where they are cos I told you the other day.

So I looked all up and down the country and guess what I found? Nothing! Absolutely nothing! So I just gave up and went home!

Now I can tolerate being called British. But if you ever cross the line and call me English, I will snap your wee(little) neck, you got that pal?

Now let me tell you something:Plaid Cymru is the one true party of Wales, and in the UK general election you should have voted for them!

Now it’s time to declare my favourite number: my favourite number is the number two, and you better slow down with your food mate your gonna choke now.

Yo I have to get off the phone now bruv cos my aunty Rajinda just arrived from india so I’ll call you back yeah? Don’t forget to tell Saeed to come on Fifa(Foodball Game) Later innit(Isn’t it).

Sorry Tariq I can’t come to Pakistan with you today bro. I am with my little cousin at Alton Towers(Amusement Park) waiting to go on Rubber Dinghy Rapids man.